


It's bad for you, you know...

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Bi-Curiosity, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Come Eating, Confessions, First Time, Frottage, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 08:42:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4428839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This dance has been going on for years, a dance Kaoru's never known the truth of and Kyo's never let on to. But here it will end, all the walls and the half-truths toppling down. Only the raw truth remains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's bad for you, you know...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [just-kyo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=just-kyo).



> 4000 words.  
> Beta Readers: sakura_ame

Kaoru leaned back against the side of the semi-truck that held all of their equipment. He normally didn't come all the way out here and especially not on a day as blisteringly hot at this one was. But he'd been asked to go take a look at some of the equipment that had fallen over and make sure it was okay before it was moved. Especially given it was one of Die's amps and the other guitarist wasn't there yet. Everything had been fine, but Kaoru couldn't help but want to go ahead and take a smoke break while he was out here, this being one of the few venues that didn't like him smoking backstage. 

Stifling a yawn, Kaoru placed the cigarette between his lips and fished his lighter from his pocket, flicking it and then touching the flame to the tip as he inhaled. Letting the flame extinguish, he pushed it back into his pocket and then took the stick from his lips, blowing out a stream of smoke. He hated smoking in the heat. It wasn't at all satisfying like it was when it was cold outside. The cherry giving some pretense of heat while the smoke seemed to cloud you from the freezing cold. No... this was just more heat on a god-awful hot day already. He made a face and took another drag, this one long and built to power through the cigarette. 

"It's bad for you, you know."

Kaoru let out the smoke he'd been holding in and arched an eyebrow, casting his glance toward the owner of the thought-stopping voice. Kyo stood beside the exit of the building, his arms crossed and a small smirk on his lips. Snorting, Kaoru shrugged. "You're one to talk. How long did you smoke again?"

It was a conversation they had on repeat, at least four times a year and Kaoru had always thought there was some other, bigger, meaning to Kyo coming to interrupt his smoking with the exact same words. But he'd never been able to put his finger on why he felt like that and guessing wasn't easy when Kyo was involved.

"Too long." Kyo pushed away from the wall and came to stand in front of Kaoru, holding out his hand, biting his lower lip as he watched the cigarette leave the other's mouth.

Well... that was bolder than usual. They'd skipped an entire five lines of their little fake argument that usually landed Kyo exactly where he was... with exactly that look on his face. Kaoru held out the cigarette, mumbling, "Hypocrite."

The vocalist snatched away the cigarette and pressed it between his lips. This time, Kaoru watched him more carefully, seeing the tongue lightly caress the back of the stick before Kyo's mouth fully closed around it and he took the smallest of inhalations. Still, the stick lingered, even as Kyo breathed back out the smoke, letting it curl away from his lips as he tongued it once again. And then, finally, it was passed back to Kaoru.

Taking it between his fingers, Kaoru kept his gaze firmly on Kyo as he placed the stick between his lips and took another long pull from it. He watched the myriad of emotions that Kyo was clearly worse at hiding today than usual pass over the smaller man's face. Excitement, curiosity, arousal... so many things.

Finishing up with another two hard drags, he tossed the butt down and smothered it with his shoe. Picking it back up, he pitched it into the trashcan against the wall and then nodded his head toward the building. "Can I speak with you in private?"

Kyo gave him a funny look, but nodded, padding along after him when he started walking. 

A few minutes landed them in the greenroom and Kaoru closed the door, flicking the lock as discretely as possible before he moved to settle with his rear against the edge of the table that had been pushed against one wall. He watched as Kyo chose a small leather chair, flopping down in it. Kaoru cleared his throat and then crossed his arms over his chest. "I've never asked... didn't really have a reason to... but you wanting a drag off my cigarette isn't about the elusive nic-fix, is it?"

Kyo met his eyes, gaze unwavering, his lips pursing slightly. He didn't deny anything, but he certainly didn't affirm it either, just not saying a word.

Typical, Kaoru decided. He sighed. "Fine... I'll make a guess. Random shots in the dark. You've got a thing for lips and cigarettes and I just happen to have less manly lips than most men?"

A laugh left Kyo, who seemed to relax a bit. "Something like that... and yet, not like that at all."

"Care to share it with me? We've been doing this dance for years and today, you skipped a hell of a lot of it. What gives?"

"You really want the answer to that?" Kyo didn't offer any speculation, though Kaoru could see it plain enough on his face. 

"Just tell me. Maybe the result won't be what you're obviously afraid it will be."

Kyo sighed, pulling one leg up onto the chair and pushing off of it to adjust himself in the seat. Once settled, his gaze flicked over basically everything in Kaoru's vicinity... except Kaoru. They were both quiet for the duration, until, finally, Kyo met Kaoru's gaze again. His voice was quiet. "Call it curiosity. A perverse little notion I got into my head somewhere along the way that's honest to God refined to only you." He looked away, somewhere past Kaoru's head, perhaps a spot on the wall. "That night years ago when we had to share a bed... I never told you, but when I woke up, we were all tangled up in one another." His face took on a wistful sort of look. "No one had ever held me in my sleep like that... do you know that?" He didn't stop for an answer, the question rhetorical. "And I guess it changed how I look at you. But it's awkward for me. I mean, I'm straight... except for you." He let out a humorless laugh and then shrugged. "There you go, all the things you didn't want to know." His gaze met Kaoru's again. "Sorry you asked?"

Kaoru gave him a small smile and then shook his head just the tiniest bit. "No, not sorry I asked at all." He debated it for a moment and then tilted his head. "So all you could think to do about this was to create this thing we do wherein you chance a complete relapse into smoking again every single time?" He gave Kyo a sort of incredulous look. 

Kyo shrugged. "Never said it was smart. It was just what I thought I could get away with."

"So... today... why was it shorter than usual?"

Dark eyes regarded Kaoru for a moment and then darted away again. "Impatience... it's been longer than usual since I had the chance to catch you. I mean, I couldn't do it every time or you'd get suspicious, right? So... just every once in a while and I just..." he trailed off and shrugged. 

The constant changing of Kyo's reactions kept Kaoru on his toes. It had always been like this with the other. Different pieces of who Kyo was coming out each time he spoke, but never the same part or all of it at once. Timid and blunt, stand-offish and nearly begging for something to help him with that turmoil inside. It just depended on the moment and after all these years, Kaoru had grown used to it, though still uncertain what response he'd garner from his own words. 

Finally, he decided on his path here and let his arms fall to the sides, grasping the table as he rocked back on it a bit. "I wouldn’t have reacted badly to knowing we ended up in one another's arms." He phrased it that way on purpose, not parroting Kyo's careful avoidance of what it had been. "You could have told me and you could have asked for it again and I would have given it. I still will if that's what you're looking for. But it's more than that, isn't it? That night opened up something and you've been running scared from it ever since." He let that sit on the air, watching Kyo's scared gaze flick up to meet his own and then leave again.

This time Kyo's voice sounded strained, fearful at best. "Help me out here... I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"The truth," Kaoru breathed out, his heart going out to the fear he saw written all across those words. He could only imagine the past that must have put it there, the incident that solidified this inherent need to run he could see tensing every muscle of Kyo's body. "I'm not here to judge you, Kyo."

Those had been the wrong words, anger clouded the vocalist's face in an instant and he spit out. "That's what you all say. Disgusting!" He started to push himself up from the chair, but Kaoru took one step between Kyo and the door, squaring his shoulders and pinning Kyo with what he'd heard the whole band jokingly refer to as his leader-look. Once Kyo shrank back down to his seat, he let it soften slightly, though not entirely. "I don't know what's happened to you in the past, but clearly it was uncalled for and horrendous to garner such a reaction to such well-meaning words. But I need you to back up a step and think about _who_ you're talking to here. Have _I_ judged you before? Do you honestly think I would?"

The anger faded from Kyo's face and he shrank back into the chair, shrugging a little. 

"Now... spit it out."

"I already told you... I'm curious." Kyo's face looked a bit grouchier this time and Kaoru was certain it was just from his idea that he was repeating himself.

"Okay. How far into curious are we talking? Like wanting to know what it'd taste like to kiss me or if I'd let you sleep in my bed again... or what sex with a man feels like?"

Kyo's face paled in an instant and he shifted uncomfortably, telling far more than words could. Still, he finally managed a small, "All of it."

Kaoru grunted and then came to stand by the chair, finally leaning over and without a single second's hesitation, pressing his lips to Kyo's own. 

Within seconds, Kyo's hands were in his hair, their bodies shifting until Kyo tugged Kaoru to where he had one knee on the couch and Kyo's hands were everywhere as they kissed. Tongue got involved surprisingly quickly, a thin whimper leaving Kyo as their lips parted and slick appendages met to invade one another's space. It was sloppy, desperate, utterly filled with denied passion. 

It ended as quickly as it had begun, Kyo backing up with a gasp and then staring up at Kaoru in what could only be described as shock. Kaoru gently cupped Kyo's cheek and studied him as he breathed out, "I liked that..."

"But..." Kyo managed to choke out, clearing his throat and then trying again, "you're into girls. I've _seen_ you."

Surprise filtered through Kaoru and he couldn’t help the small smirk on his lips. "Seen? As in watched me fuck someone?"

Kyo didn't bother looking embarrassed, instead he just looked mildly pissed off. "You're the one who did it in the bus!"

"Mmm... maybe I was just too worked up to care where I fucked at." Kaoru leaned in to brush his lips over Kyo's earlobe, tugging the unique shape of it into his mouth and sucking for a moment before letting go. "Or maybe... I like being watched."

"Pervert," Kyo managed, his hands coming up to hold onto Kaoru's biceps, fingers digging in tight. "Doesn't... answer... my question."

Kaoru licked below his ear and then took a handful of hair, wrenching Kyo's head back and then gazing down at him. "It wasn't a question, but... I'm into guys, too. And once upon a time, I started off where you are now. Curious and desperate to explore but terrified I was in the wrong. Someone guided me and if it's what you want, I'll do the same for you. Not here, not right now... but tonight, after the show if you have enough energy... just ask me to give you a lift home and I'll know what you mean." He kissed Kyo hard for a few seconds and then backed off, leaving the vocalist panting slightly, his face flushed and his cock obviously hard. 

"I won't be offended either way. But my door is always open, even if you decide tonight isn't the time." He turned and left without another word, unlocking the door and slipping out, leaving Kyo gazing after him, shock written all over his features.

\--------------------

Kaoru unlocked his car, tossing his after show bag into the back seat and then leaning against the side of it, intent to finish off one smoke before getting inside the car. Just one thing he didn't like to smoke in. Besides, he'd taken his shower and his hair was still wet and the dry heat coming off the pavement could probably help with that quicker than anything.

He pulled out a cigarette from the pack, pushing it between his lips. Before he ever got the flame to the tip, a quiet voice intervened. "It's bad for you, you know." Glancing up, he smiled around the stick, letting the flame go out. He pushed the lighter back into his pocket and removed the cigarette from his lips. "You're one to talk." He left it at that, cutting his part short so their dance could end sooner rather than later.

Kyo moved to stand in front of him. He looked a bit out of breath, his cheeks flushed, and he'd obviously just left the showers as well, his hair still dripping. "You were going to leave without me." He looked a little pained, his eyes filled with a hurt Kaoru instantly felt the need to soothe.

"I was taking my time so you'd have a chance. But I also didn't want to get sucked into the after party and prevent our escape if you wanted to leave."

Kyo's shoulders relaxed and he offered a lopsided smile. "Give me a lift?"

Kaoru pulled out his pack and stuck the cigarette back inside before nodding toward the car. "Hop in." He pushed the pack back into his pocket and opened his door, sliding into the driver's seat. Both doors closed and they busied themselves getting their seatbelts on and everything before Kaoru backed out of the spot. Once he was well on the way, he questioned, "Your place or mine?"

"Yours... if that's okay."

"Sure thing." Kaoru sped up a little. "You better be planning to stay for breakfast. I make a hell of a piece of toast." 

Kyo let a small smile creep over his lips. "I bet you do." He left it at that, just playing with the strap to his shoulder bag as he sat there.

A while later, they arrived at Kaoru's place, pulling into his designated spot and then abandoning the car. Once inside the guitarist's home, they both ditched their shoes and Kaoru took Kyo's bag from him without a word, heading down the hall to his bathroom. He dumped the contents of his bag on the counter and shoveled the sweaty show-clothing and towel into the washer, putting the rest back, and then repeating the process for Kyo's bag. He didn't feel bad doing it given they were always up in one another's bags during tours, though he did hesitate, seeing a condom that had spilled out onto the counter. He pushed all the rest back into the bag and closed the flap, holding onto the condom as he quickly added detergent and attached the hose, turning on the washer and then leaving the room, pulling the door almost closed to block out the noise.

He found Kyo on his couch and he put his bag down next to him, tossing the condom on his lap. "Given the brand, got it from Die?"

Kyo shifted slightly, looking vaguely uncomfortable as he picked up the condom and made to put it back in the bag. "Just wanted to be prepared for anything... we don't have to do that. I just-"

"Hey, easy there, tiger." Kaoru plucked the condom from his fingers and then put it on his side of the couch, settling back. "I didn't say no... I just asked if you got it from Die. I wanted to know how that story went."

Kyo pushed his bag to the floor and gave Kaoru a slightly annoyed look. "Hey, dude, can I borrow a condom? Sure, they're over there, help yourself. Real interesting."

"Borrow? I hope he doesn't want it back."

Kyo made a face. "Eww." He sighed and then shrugged. "I didn't want to be caught not being ready. That's all."

Kaoru nodded. "So... I have a thought here. Talking about it isn't going to help you not be all stoved up and it certainly isn't going to get me anywhere. So I was thinking, maybe we can just go to sleep for now and if someone wakes up in the night, they can wake the other and we can... continue. Or, if not, then in the morning. Either way."

Kyo looked relieved. He nodded a little. "Yeah, sounds good. I don't... want to talk about it. Makes me nervous."

\-----------------

Hours later, Kaoru stirred from his sleep. At first, he couldn't figure out what had woken him. The warmth of Kyo's body was still beside him and his phone wasn't lit up with any kind of alert. Rolling over slightly, he figured it out quickly though, finding Kyo laying there on his side, watching him. The vocalist was quiet, his breathing mostly steady, perhaps deceptively so, given how his hand was moving under the sheets. 

Kaoru issued a soft grunt and shifted himself closer, reaching to rest his hand on Kyo's hip, laying his head on his arm as he studied the other. "Why didn't you wake me?" he murmured.

Kyo just shook his head a little, sliding closer and melding himself against Kaoru, letting him feel how hard he was as he pushed his hips forward. The hand that had been down beneath the sheets came to graze lightly over Kaoru's chest, settling against his peck as Kyo started to rub himself against Kaoru's thigh insistently. He moved quickly, a small groan freeing itself after a few seconds. 

Slipping his hand back, Kaoru took a handful of Kyo's ass, rolling them so that Kyo was on top of him, urging his other leg over his thigh so Kyo was astride his hips. The next urgent thrust of Kyo's body rubbed his cock right over Kaoru's own and the guitarist moaned, feeling himself start to wake up to the friction. "That's right," he breathed out, "Right there."

Kyo leaned down over him, getting himself better leverage and then continuing to move until Kaoru started to harden enough for him to feel. Pushing his cock alongside Kaoru's own, he seemed to grow even more impatient, humping against Kaoru with a complete lack of rhythm, grasping the sheets to either side as he moved.

Kaoru groaned, sliding his hands up and pulling the top of Kyo's boxers down just enough to see the tip of his cock poke out with each forward thrust. He wet his lips and murmured, "Clothing... off."

Kyo gave him a few final hard thrusts and then rolled off of on top of him, wriggling out of his boxers. Kaoru quickly did the same, maneuvering himself over Kyo's body and leaning down to catch his lips as he lightly pushed the other's thighs apart. Kyo's hands grabbed hard at his hips, his fear of how quickly this was going evident in the way he held onto him.

Kaoru parted their lips and breathed out, "Relax... I'm not going to do anything you don't want. Just... let me lead for a bit. I'll be slow."

Kyo's grip relaxed and Kaoru went back to kissing him, eventually easing himself down to where his cock lightly brushed over Kyo's own. His hips rocked, creating a feather-light touch between their hardened lengths. It took a few minutes, but Kyo finally started moving as well, his hips going at a much less calculated pace, his arousal clearly dictating the encounter for him instead of experience. 

Kaoru eased himself closer to Kyo, moving to kiss along his neck and shoulder, his hand slipping between them and grasping Kyo's cock, jerking him off for a few seconds and then pushing his dick up to rub directly against Kaoru's own. He thrust faster, groaning at the friction and the feeling of Kyo's length pushing against his own. Kyo was already damp with pre-cum and Kaoru found himself more turned on knowing Kyo was one of those men that produced quite a bit.

They rubbed against one another a bit more harshly than Kaoru normally would have instigated, but Kyo was being fairly insistent from below and hell if he wasn't going to give it to him how he wanted. 

"Please," Kyo finally whimpered, his hips arching up hard and his hand coming to try to push Kaoru's down. He made a few more desperate sounds and Kaoru could feel his own arousal ramp up even harder at having Kyo make such noises. He dipped his head and sucked hard on Kyo's nipple before he slid his dick down to tease against Kyo's hole. "This?"

"Yes!" Kyo's hips snapped down against Kaoru with the word.

Kaoru groaned, moving for a moment to lean past Kyo and open his side drawer, pulling out some lube. He popped it open and poured some down the back of Kyo's balls and over the head of his cock. Shifting closer, he ditched the lube and leaned back over Kyo, holding his own length with one hand, just teasing it over Kyo's hole, lightly pushing it against the ring of muscle there, but not actually trying to get in. "So tight," he breathed, "perfect."

Kyo took in a shaky breath and humped upward a few times before settling again.

Kaoru kissed over the vocalist's chest to his other nipple, licking at it as he pushed a little bit, letting that muscle widen slightly and feeling Kyo's breath hitch. He pulled back just the smallest bit and rubbed the head over the tight bud, feeling Kyo tremble under him. "I know... it feels so good, doesn't it?" Kaoru sucked the nipple into his mouth and pushed lightly against Kyo's ass, allowing himself to move his hips a couple of times in mimicry of what he might eventually do with Kyo. Popping off his nipple, he muttered, "So good... you're so hard. I want to suck you once I've cum all over your asshole. Do you want that?"

Kyo groaned loudly, his hands fisting in the covers as he strained upward and Kaoru let his own moan mix with Kyo's panting. "I'm going to suck your gorgeous cock once I'm done." He rubbed himself quicker against Kyo's hole and then pushed against the ring of muscle again, moving to look down at what he was doing. He pushed the very tip inside, just past the first ring of muscle, but not to the second. He eased himself in and out a dozen or so times and then pushed his cock under Kyo's ass, using his hand on the underside and keeping it pressed against him tightly as he let go. Fully humping Kyo for a minute, he got himself close enough he was about to spurt and then pulled back, pushing the head against Kyo's passage again. Two more times, he pushed the tip past the tight ring of muscle and then pulled back out. With a quiet huff of breath, he lost it, thick cum pulsing up around his dick and all over Kyo's hole as he watched it.

Kyo squirmed a little and spread his legs further, panting out, "Oh my god..."

Kaoru finally pulled back, wiping the tip of his cock and then sliding his hand up with the offering of some of his cum as he eased down between Kyo's legs. "First," he breathed out, "let's get you cleaned up." Even as Kyo tentatively took his fingers into his mouth, Kaoru began to lick his cum from the vocalist's ass. Three long swipes of his tongue and he finally just began to flick it over Kyo's asshole, pressing his mouth against him.

Above him, Kyo cried out, spreading his legs further and rocking into the licking, his asshole fluttering faintly at the attention. 

Kaoru pulled up and hissed out, "That's right, feels so goddamned good, doesn't it?" Within seconds, he had Kyo's dick in his mouth, nothing patient about how he was sucking him. His head bobbed and his cheeks hollowed on every upward pull, the mixture of cum and saliva in his mouth making it easy for Kyo's length to keep moving in his mouth. He moaned around it and Kyo's hips started to move, thrusting him up into Kaoru's mouth. 

"K-Kaoru," Kyo panted out, fucking the guitarist's mouth with complete abandon. "I'm... I'm gonna... fuck!" He slowed down enough to give four complete thrusts, pulling all the way out the fifth time and starting to shoot with a loud cry.

Kaoru watched him cum, his gaze shifting between his emptying cock and the vocalist's beautiful face as he orgasmed. Once Kyo was back against the bed, panting, Kaoru set to cleaning him up with his tongue, lapping up all the cum and then giving him one more good suck before sliding back up his body, resting his semi-hard cock against his new lover's hip. "You make an old man horny as hell."

Kyo breathed out a soft sound and then reached up to grasp his hair, pulling him down to kiss him hard. When their lips parted, he murmured, "I want nothing more than to do even more with you."

"That... can be arranged." Kaoru smiled against his lips. "Just let me know whenever you want a ride."

**The End**


End file.
